Top ten words/topics that will make me NOT pick up a book

I have been away for a while, sailing, because I’m quitting real life to become a pirate, but I’m coming back strong with another Top Ten Tuesday. This week it is Top ten words/topics that will make me NOT pick up a book. It’s the opposite to this post that I made earlier. The Top Ten Tuesday meme is made by the Broke and the Bookish and they are awesome, so check them out.

This was hard as hell. I had to go through a lot of other blogs and then sometimes I would see a word, and I would think: YES! I hate that too, or I would think of something else. I’m sure I hate other things, I’m bitter and annoyed, there must be more things I hate, but let’s look at the nine I could come up with. 

1. Love at first sight – I sound so bitter, but love at first sight seems so unlikely to me that I don’t like it. There has to be some tension, right? Some build up, some struggle.

2. Crime/Thriller – I’m kind of odd, in that I will watch all the crime shows, all of them. I love Castle, I used to watch Bones. I used to watch NCIS, but I sort of fell off, but I love them. They are the same every time, don’t care, love them. If I read crime books I get so bored. There might be something wrong with me. I will watch the movie or TV-show based on the book though, cause I’m weird.

3. Chick-lit. Ugh. I hate chick-lit. This might be that I just love other types of books, but I really hate chick-lit. They’re oversimplified and guh.

4. “Next Twilight” or “if you liked Twilight, you’ll like this” – or any other phrase over the same topic. Because please be original, and also, don’t try to sell me something based on Twilight, because Twilight makes me sad inside. Doesn’t necessarily need to be Twilight, the “next” or “new” anything annoys me. That they need to use something else to sell the book bugs me.

5. Simple “evil” characters, or mean girls – if the mean/evil characters are simple or stereotypical I get annoyed. Make them layered, make them complicated, make them interesting.

6. God – I haven’t read a lot of Christian-focused books, to be perfectly honest. There might be some out there that are awesome. But because of my black heart and heathen soul it’s hard for me to find Christianity to interesting, or other religions, for that matter. I like mythology, but not religion, because logic has no place in my world.

7. Star-crossed lovers or forbidden love – this might have to do with me wanting to throw Romeo and Juliet across the room, but yeah. It is a bit like the instalove thing. The love just becomes so intense and sudden, and whiney, and oh my God it’s not that hard and not that horrible so fucking stop it, now.

8. Nicholas Sparks – this is unfair, because it isn’t necessarily him, especially since I haven’t read any of his books, and I just picked one author, it could be any other author who does the same thing. I have seen the Last Song though. If you write one book, and then regurgitate that story over and over I won’t pick up any of your books again. Jodi Picoult might be a better example, since I’ve read two of her books (I thought I’d give her a second chance, sue me). Both basically were about the same, even though the plots differed. Something horrible has happened to someone, preferably someone young. A kind, single, adult swoops in to help them, this single adult meets someone from their past and they develop a tenuous relationship with them again, and there’s a very boring love story along the main plot. Also applies to Victoria Hislop, who made me actively hate the Island when I read it, and I only read it because I had to for school. The person who told the story knew everything, and I mean everything, even though she described situations where she hadn’t been present. Apparently her other books are the same. NO!

9. Creepy stalker guy disguised as attractive bad guy – this comes back to my Twilight-issues, but yes, just don’t Edward Cullen, Christian Grey, ugh. Also, bad guys are played out, maybe we could find another boy stereotype to work on?